They say that when a tsunami hits land, there are always people who were on the beach, watching and admiring the sea before it happened. These people do not realize what is coming. They contemplate the landscape, which seems beautiful and apparently normal. If the wind makes a different whistle, if the waves move in an unusual way, none of this is noticed. Or, if for a brief moment someone notices something strange, they quickly ignore it, convincing themselves that it is just natural behavior.
But when they finally realize that all of these were signs of something bad about to happen, it is too late. There is nothing more that can be done, and the wave hits them.
There is a lot of pressure from society about how to raise children, as if there were a specific formula for doing so. However, the truth is that there is no single way to achieve the goal of ideal parenting, which, in essence, seeks to fulfill the desires of a mother and father: well-raised, educated, successful, and self-supporting children. The one action that, in my opinion, every parent should take is to listen to their children.
Listening is more than just hearing. Listening, as the dictionary defines it, is “being aware of what you hear”. The lack of dialogue between parents and children and imposing education results in frightened and withdrawn children, who will hardly confide their feelings, difficulties and anxieties to their parents. And this last point is the most worrying. The feelings of children and adolescents must be observed with the utmost attention and dedication. Talk to your children, but above all, listen to them, without judging or reprimanding. Be a safe haven for them.
It is not uncommon to see young people withdrawn and isolated in their rooms, with no desire to socialize or interact. They have few friends and, more often than not, little interest in studies, hobbies or sports. Culturally, this scenario is often seen as normal for teenagers or pre-teens, but is it really? Parents need to be trained to understand that, in the field of mental health, there are many nuances. However, and this is one of the most difficult tasks, it is necessary to recognize when it is time to seek help from mental health professionals. By doing so, parents contribute to a significant change: a worrying cycle of depression, anxiety or neurological disorders can be identified, treated and, if necessary, medicated. This will allow a child or young person to achieve what we said at the beginning: to be able to lead their own life. But, for this to happen, the family needs to break the cycle of prejudice.
We live in a vicious cycle when it comes to raising children and the educational references we follow. However, when we observe the alarming data on young people who are depressed, anxious and, in extreme cases, suicidal — and a worrying number of those who unfortunately commit this act — we must sound the alarm. The time has come for this generation of parents to self-evaluate, to correct the course of education they have been providing and to check the health of the relationship they have built with their children.
It is time to break the cycle and go beyond what we have been taught. It is time to break the cycle of silence between parents and children, of imposing authority, of refusing to admit that your child may need a professional to help them properly and, if necessary, to offer the correct treatment.
We cannot consider it normal for parental love to impose conditions on loving a child. Just as children should love and honor their father and mother, parents should do the same, loving their children unconditionally. So why do we normalize, for example, parents who reject their children because of their sexual orientation, if God Himself does not reject such people? This is not unconditional love, as taught by God. It is time to reverse the process of Nimrod (Sealed Book of Moses 7:9-15), abandoning partiality, exclusion, and bad feelings, and live under the mantle of good feelings, of the love that hopes all things, endures all things (1 Corinthians 13:7). Parental love must understand that your children can be whoever they want to be.
It’s time to break the cycle of prejudice on any subject and understand who your child really is, not who you assume he or she is. Break the cycle of denial and truly look at your child. Allow him or her to show their true self. Free your children from the tyranny of your prejudices and precepts and allow them to be themselves, because otherwise we will continue to see young people who are increasingly sick and have no desire to live.
However, I must clarify that “being who you are” should always be guided by principles and values, such as character, honesty, kindness and truth. But if your child’s personality or sexual orientation does not harm anyone, does not break laws, does not hurt anyone, why can’t he be himself? To fit into the molds of right and wrong of a sick society, which only produces sad, depressed and anxious people due to its prejudices and precepts?
Bridges are built through good communication. Parents and children can heal from what silence has caused. Together, as a family, you can find your life purpose and finally create bonds of love, loyalty and unity like never before. Dialogues save lives.
Break the cycle of imposing on your children what their dreams should be and allow them to set their own life goals from now on. Break the cycle of demanding only a profession that provides financial return, and encourage a profession that they love, that is their purpose. Life is much more than having, it is about being. Children need to become functional adults, and this will only be possible if parents break the cycle of society’s impositions and start helping them fly with their own wings, through their own gifts.
The signs may be there, like the signs of a fast-approaching tsunami, and if ignored, they can have tragic consequences when nothing else can be done, so is ignoring the signs that your children are being held back from reaching their full potential and finding their purpose in life.
So, parents, are you ready to break the cycle?
